On the day of the release of the ninth Wimpy Kid diary, we asked Jeff Kinney, creator of The Wimpy Kid for an exclusive interview. He did one better and had a tête–à–tête with Greg Heffley AKA The Wimpy Kid about what it’s like being the most famous kid in the playground.

Jeff Kinney: You’ve always said you wanted to be rich and famous. How’s that working out so far?

Greg Heffley: The famous part is working out pretty good, but somebody printed a few million copies of my journals and I haven’t seen a dime. Somebody’s making money here, and it isn’t me. I’ve got my lawyers working on it.

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JK: What’s it like having your own float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade?

GH: First of all, it’s a giant helium balloon, not a float. There’s a difference. I was happy about the whole idea until I found out my nose would be a few feet from Kermit the Frog’s rear end. This year either my balloon’s up front or I’m gonna pop it.

JK: What do you think of middle school so far?

GH: It’s all right, but I feel like I’ve been in middle school for, like, seven years.

JK: How much longer do you think people will be interested in reading about your life?

GH: There are, like, what, 200 Baby-sitters Club books? I’ve barely gotten started.

JK: What’s next for you?

GH: I’ve been talking to my people about expanding my brand. Next step is reality TV—and I’m launching a personal fragrance in the third quarter of next year.

JK: What’s your dream product?

GH: My own Ben and Jerry’s flavour: Dairy of a Wimpy Kid.

JK: Is there any merchandise you won’t agree to?

GH: My agent came to me with a proposal for Wimpy Kid–branded swim nappies. Once you go down-market, it’s hard to go back up.

JK: You’re almost out of colours for your book covers. What are you going to do next?

GH: I’m thinking metallics, denim — different materials. Book 20 will glow in the dark, if we can get the costs down.

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JK: Do you feel like you’re the master of your own destiny, or does it seem like there’s a 43-year-old man making all of your life’s decisions?

GH: Alright, this is getting a little weird. This interview is over.

Well, that’s seems like as good place to end as ever, but if you want more from Greg Heffley watch the trailer for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul. 

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